I never fully understood the meaning of contentment until I married my husband, Ryan. Being married to him for the last nearly three years has been eye-opening and life-changing; he teaches me things every day that I doubt I would have learned on my own.
But when you think about it, isn't that a large part of God's purpose for marriage anyway? To help us continue to grow?
I desperately wanted to be married my entire young adult life. The majority of that time, it was mainly for selfish reasons. "I want, I need, I desire..." It never occurred to me that just perhaps God had more in store—that there was a lesson to be learned.
Marriage in the Church
I think the Evangelical Church often tends to put marriage on a pedestal, which in turn causes a lot of young people to long for it in a way that almost makes it an idol. While yes, marriage and all that comes with it is a precious gift, I think we tend to focus on the wrong aspects of marriage in that discussion.
Let's be honest, when most people in the church at large talk about the "gift of marriage" with young people, it is often with the subtle hinting at the gift of intimacy that comes with marriage. A lot of young people inevitably zero in on that part, especially when they are also being encouraged to "wait for their husband/wife" before partaking. It's natural—who can blame them? But it's also causing them to miss something important in the discussion too.
While of course, intimacy is a huge part of a healthy, godly marriage... Is that all there is? Is that the only part of marriage that God gave as a "gift" for us? Of course not.
I feel like we often skip over other aspects of marriage that are also equally parts of the gift God gives couples.
Missed Blessings
One of the biggest blessings of marriage that I rarely hear talked about is how it becomes yet another form of sanctification* for us on our spiritual journey! Part of the gift of marriage is God giving you a partner to teach you to become more like Jesus—someone to push you in ways that you've not been pushed before and encourage you in ways that only a spouse can! (*Sanctification = growing and changing to become more like Jesus.)
How can that be? How can the closeness of a spouse can help you grow in your walk?
Your spouse can see the hidden version of you that you don't share with the rest of the world. They see the struggles you have and the "ugly" parts that you don't want others to see. Oftentimes, they can even see the sin that you refuse to acknowledge in yourself.
When we are operating in the spirit, a spouse can lovingly come alongside you and help point out areas that need work, and they can hold you accountable. (Obviously, this requires both parties to have a teachable spirit and and open heart, but I'm talking about the rule, not the exception here.)
Additionally, while you do become a unit in marriage, you are still two separate people with different strengths and weaknesses. Those differences can also help you look more like Christ. Ryans strengths and my strengths often are very different, but are often complimentary. His giftings and my giftings are quite different as well, and that’s part of the blessing!
For example, Ryan is giver from the bottom of his heart—he would give someone the shirt off his back and shoes from his feet if he thought they genuinely needed it more than he did. While I do enjoy giving, I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t tend to give with the same immediate willingness and openness that he does. Being married to him has taught me so much about being a joyful and willing giver.
On the flip side, I tend to have a deep sense of spiritual discernment, so I can often sense when someone isn’t being sincere or honest right away. Ryan has such a giving heart, people often try to take advantage of that kindness, so I usually am able to help point out the people and situations that may not be as truthful to prevent us from giving in haste to the wrong people. Ryan has learned through being married to me that not everyone who claims they have a need truly needs material help—sometimes they just need truth and prayer.
Learning Contentment
That being said, we’ve helped each other grow so much in the past nearly three years. Particularly in learning contentment…
We are not rich by any means of the American word. We don't make much. We live in a small mobile home on the backside of gifted family property. We drive very used cars. We don’t have a standing family vacation every year. We budget. I coupon and shop the sales papers. We cook and eat at home 95% of the time. We are always looking for ways to cut back or save. We dream of getting our mortgage paid off early.
And we are beyond happy. We are content. We are rich in joy.
Are there days where we daydream about more? Of course, but we never let it make us bitter. Are there moments where we wish we had the funds to complete the projects we dream of doing around our home? Yes, but we also know life’s not a race.
At the end of it all, it’s about who you’re surrounded by every day.
I get to wake up next to the love of my life. I get to hold our precious firstborn son. I get to feel the kicks of our second child in my womb. I get to care for a home we can truly call our own. I get to cook healthy meals for my family. I get to garden in my backyard and grow delicious vegetables for our table. I get to raise chickens for fresh meat and eggs. We all have excellent health. We have family nearby who would do anything to help us. We have a loving church family.
The Lord has prepared a table before us, and we want for nothing. If that’s not a reason for contentment, I don’t know what is…
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